Musings from a fangirl – In too deep

Musings from a fangirl – In too deep

I itch with the urge to read, to sing to the heavens, to proclaim adoration

To the idols that they thrive to be

To the persons that they are

To the hardships that they have suffered

To the music that they make

Souls that they have soothed

Minds that they have awaken

Passions that they have inspired

Such is the feeling of falling, nay, flying into worship

No false religion to cloud my mind

Instead I have replaced it with a concept of perfection

Built on pixels on the television and by the combined adoration of countless fans worldwide

I adore them

Knowledge that it too is bound to fall

Their perfect faces to crack and shatter into a million pieces

Their beautiful laughter to fade and stutter

That I will one day take a hammer to the pedestal that I have built for them

Yet I adore them

That fact haunts me even as I bask in the sound of their voices

And feast on the sight of their figures dancing across my screen

That fact haunts me even as I immerse with thousands of fanfictions/images/gifs

The combined illusion of knowing them inside out, of being their friend, being their beloved

I adore them

Even as I acknowledge the fact that it is not real, not true, wasted hours of my life

They are illusions, mirages, dreams and fantasies – happy, sad, sappy, mad, an indulgence of make believe

They are human, they have fallacies, they don’t even know me, they change

I adore them.

And in doing so, I accept the fact that I have fallen. Too deep. I adore them.

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